Stile Project
Teen Zone Presents: A
Teen's Guide to STDs
Don't
let this happen to you!
Choose
your partners carefully. If you pick someone really hot and popular,
you'll be safe.
Abstinence
is NOT the answer. An STD is nothing compared to Social Leprosy!
You
don't need condoms to protect yourself from STDs. If you drink large
amounts of liquor, the alcohol in your blood system will kill any nasty
germs or diseases... just like your trusty household cleaner!
If
you do contract an STD: Blame yourself. You have this disease because
you are dirty and bad and Jesus HATES you.
Hide
your condition from your friends and family. Spare them and yourself
the embarrassment. Besides, you don't want to get grounded before the
big dance!
Forget
about medical assistance. No sense in embarrassing yourself in front
of strangers either! It'll probably go away in a few days anyway. We
promise.
If
the diseased area becomes worse and the area is badly inflamed, covered
in pustules and/or rotting away, it is possible to get help anonymously.
Photograph the affected area and send it to us at Stile Project. We'll
post-er... diagnose your condition ASAP.
In
the meantime, give yourself relief by squatting in alcohol or cauterizing
the area... ahh the purifying power of flame.
Studies
have found that dog saliva contains enzymes that can aid the healing
of certain skin diseases. Have Scruffy lick your balls.
PASS
IT ON! If a lot of people at school have it, it's officially a trend!
Testimonials!
"A
Teen's Guide To STDs helped ME! Thanks, Stile!"
These
smart teens followed our advice, and just look at them now!
Sha
Nana
Shut-in, 17
"My
folks never found out about my STD. Now I have to piss through
a rubber tube, but it sure beats getting grounded!"
Theda
Barton
Student, 16
"I
followed your advice and gave the whole football team herpes. We
like to paint our warts the school colors for pep rallies. GO HAWKS!!!"
Ricky
Martin
Student, 14
"I
never had an STD, but I let my dog lick my nuts anyway. Thanks
for the great advice! Skippy and I have a wonderful relationship
now."
Murray
Johnson
Fry Cook, 17
"I
freaked when stile put that pic of my drooling anal pustules on
his site, but then kids at school saw it and they thought it was
cool, cause nobody thought I ever had sex before."
Vinnie
Kaiser
IRC ChanOp, 15
"Great
article but, um.. how do you keep an STD from your folks if it was
your Dad that gave you it?"
Mich
Albom
Student, 15
"Hey,
would it still work if I licked my dog's balls instead of the other
way around?"
